By Kathleen Rooney, Senior Vice President
I'm on a drug, and it's called Charlie Sheen.
Seriously, I've become addicted to watching this very lucky, over-paid, semi-talented actor in a first-class meltdown. Probably because he is a very lucky, over-paid, semi-talented actor who is paid a bazillion dollars a year to pretend he's somebody else on a show I've never even watched.
Is his crazy act for real? I guess it's about as "real" as The Real Housewives of Insert City Here. Or a bunch of brats living together in MTV-land. Or even one of The Apprentice franchises, where stars such as the new British-accented Larry King, mean girl Omarosa and Skinny Margarita founder Bethenny were introduced to American TV junkies. What an auspicious launching pad The Donald has created for us.
It is reassuring to know I'm not alone. Millions of us were watching when the new Larry King gave him a prime time hour so he could "set the record straight." By that point, Charlie seemed a little tired and slightly more sane, having chain-smoked and ranted for probably 12 hours at least. I hope he's taking it easy today.
Is my addiction to Charlie going to require some sort of rehab? And if so, can I come out stealing jewelry like Lindsay? Or breaking into houses like Robert Downey, Jr.? Or maybe try my hand at shoplifting like Winona Ryder? Seriously, what will become of me once I'm no longer Jonesing for Charlie Sheen?
Well, there's most certainly some other over-paid, semi-talented personality waiting in the wings. And that's very reassuring, because I'm gonna need me another dose of reality when I get clean from my addiction to Charlie Sheen.